Dating Dilemma’s

Whew!

One Great Accomplishment.

I just canceled my Match account, uninstalled Bumble, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid.

I even left Ashley Madison. Kidding. No judgement for other’s, but you’d never find me on that type of website.

With those accounts cancelled, apps’s deleted, I feel SO much lighter. Happier. Spacious. Empty.

Empty so someone aligned with my personal values can complement my life.

A full cup has no space for more. It’s full. Add more, and it spills over, making a mess you then should clean up.

I have my lonely moments, at it’s worst I am comparing myself to others, photos of happiness with their girlfriends, wives, families.

Social media often showcases the high’s of life, not the whole story, low’s and mediums. We don’t live with just high moments, we all experience the full human experience.

You may have noticed that’s not me. What I post here, on social media, in the private One Great Gut group, or anywhere I’ve been interviewed, or on stage, like my TEDx talk, is 100% me being authentic and vulnerable.

I believe authenticity + vulnerability is the worlds greatest aphrodisiac.

You may be wondering, Joel, what does this have to do with gut health? I’m here to learn about gut health. How do I heal my Crohn’s, Colitis or <insert diagnosis and symptoms>.

This is 100% relevant. When we spend our energies in places that are not aligned with our values, it causes additional stress, which we know leads to unpleasant symptoms.

When we expend our energies in places that don’t serve us, we don’t have to energy for our loved ones, starting with yourself.

When we settle for the wrong partner, just to no longer be lonely, it causes stress.

The right relationship has more joy, deeper love, is healthier for your body. Yes, there will be unpleasant moments and fights. With the right partner, some call this a soul mate or twin flame, those unpleasant moments are less dramatic, less frequent, even more loving. When we can keep our heart open, shower the other person with love, through the good and not so good times, life is easier, less stressful, less anxiety.

Thinking back to previous relationships. I’ve been blessed. Made from love, not lust. Where did I meet them? In college, online, a social organization I helped lead, a weekend workshop.  The deepest relationship, where I was most understood, seen, and felt the most connected happened fast. Early on we fell hard for each other. It wasn’t love at first sight, though I did notice her beauty the moment I walked into the room, it was her personality, brains, and personal vulnerable shares that attracted me. Each of our dates we were real, transparent, vulnerable and authentic. Starting with our first date, which wasn’t even a date, it was just lunch with someone from the workshop. I then invited her over to my place, she brought watermelon gazpacho. I was intrigued, beautiful, smart and can cook! Actually, the intrigue started during the weekend self-development workshop where we met. I love these workshops because they help me grow into a better human, give me permission to be myself, share all of me, Yes, ALL. Also a great place to meet like-minded friends. From day one she knew who I was, the ups and downs.

I do miss our Monday night healthy cooking nights.  I remember fondly the coconut flour hand print I loving put on her apron. It’s sometimes lonely without her, however she wasn’t the right one. We were meant for someone better aligned.

Today, with those apps deleted I now have an empty spot on my home screen!

I left behind games, shallowness and creepers. Heck are they even real people?

Sure, her body, smile, breasts and butt looked great on my phone, but she’s not worth the game playing, even if she’s a real person and not pictures from someones model photo shoot.

I don’t know what’s ahead, but I know it’ll be aligned with my values first, looks and mind blowing intimacy included… with a perfectly imperfect Goddess.

 

 

Until then I’ll continue taking myself on dates, home cooked meals, quiet nature, beach and sunset walks, movie nights and positive words of affirmation and touch – my top two love languages.

Hold up!

What’s that feeling?

It’s familiar.

I’ve felt this before.

Butterflies in my stomach as tonight’s date time approaches.

I may even get lucky…… with dessert. 🙂

Your turn, what’s been your experience with dating?

Comment section is open below.

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